“The truth is most Americans have never heard of it.”
“Is this true?”
“Cross my kidneys and hope to die.”
“You see,” said the uncle, “what lies nations grow up with. Here we are fed the story that Americans eat one thing, and you find out it is not true. But it is good … non?”
“It is good, yes. I shall try to pass a law making the dish part of the Code Americana.”
“Vive L'Amérique!”
“Vive la Franzzzzz!” I shouted, swallowing kidney.
“Vive L'Action Française,” said the landlord who was a bigot in his spare time.
After the meal we all had a frayed cigar that someone pulled from his pocket case and we sat back listening to the Salvation Army band in the street singing:
En avant, soldats chrétiens …
En avant à la guerre …
“Now to business,” said the uncle. “I am a lost man.”
“But uncle, you must hear out these Americans.”
“What they have to say may be right but will it get me fifty thousand francs?”
“No,” I said, “it will not.”
The uncle bowed (sitting down … a hard way to bow) and said, “So you see our lawyers must attend us. We shall sue, but shall remain a family. This happens. Or else how would the world have ivory chessmen?”
We shrugged our shoulders and the singers outside sang:
En avant, soldats chrétiens …
We ordered more wine … and just then Big Boy and You came into the place and the waiter bowed to them.
“C'est là, le diable!” said de Salignacs.
Big Boy came over to us, You following, both smiling.
“Well, it's certainly good to see you-all—even damnya … even artists.”
“What,” I asked, “have you and You been up to?”
Before he could answer, You put her hands on the table and I saw they were full of francs.
“Ah,” she said “is this not nice? For days he has been after me to sell Auntie's earrings, and today I gave in. I suffered and held out, but he offered four thousand francs.”
De Salignacs rose to the event like a Frenchman. He kissed his daughter on the cheek. We all kissed her on the cheek.
“This will add to my dot,” she said to Uncle Desgranges.
“You are a lucky fellow, Tristan,” said the uncle. “You will now have enough money to be able to afford a good chess teacher too. It will help the business.”
He lifted his glass of wine and we lifted ours and we wished the happy couple a great success in life and business.
It was hours later when we got home, and when we looked around we found Big Boy was with us. Rifkinoff turned to him.
“What did you want the damn earrings for? Causing us all that trouble.”
Big Boy yawned and smiled. “Well, I really didn't … but you see, she explained to me how she would be under the thumb of her husband after she was married … and if she only had a little money of her own put away, she could feel a little more sure of herself.”
“I don't understand—she gave the money to the uncle.”
“Oh, I gave her fifteen thousand francs for the earrings.”
Rifkinoff kicked over a flower painting, half finished. “There will always be a France.”
Somewhere in the street below the Salvation Army was still singing:
En avant à la guerre,
Avec la croix de Jésus
Marchant auparavant …
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