The Mug Metric

01.10.08

The best way to get an instant profile of a family at, say, a holiday or dinner party in a strange home, is to locate the mug cupboard and take a good look at the family's mugs. Yes, I mean coffee mugs. The institutions they support, the trips they take, the places and people that give them gifts and freebies: All of this information will accrue in ceramic form on that one shelf. You will see a "Proud Smithville High School Dad!" mug and a Times Literary Supplement mug and you know Frank is a PTA member and Doreen keeps up with the latest fiction. The whole constellation of mugs forms a sort of axis on which you can usually plot a loose sense of family identity, or at least get some clues.

You see:

  • "Star Wars" logo, writ large
  • "Over the Hill!"
  • Wordless pink mug with three-dimensional breasts

You conclude:
Dad's hilarious, Mom's exhausted, at least one kid is a smart dork. Almost no risk of lulls in family conversation, unless you are left alone with dork kid, in which case you can confidently bring up Pixar animation versus CGI.

You see:

  • "Neue Gallerie," reproduction of Gustav Klimt's The Kiss, some gilding, not microwave safe
  • "Smile! Levin Orthodontics and Associates," cartoon of braces-laden smile
  • "Tanglewood 2001"

You conclude:
Dad/Mom doing well in the market, Mom works out a lot, kids have SAT tutors and do hard drugs. If there is a lull in conversation, you can confidently inquire about the family's recent trip to Ravenna, Italy.

You see:

  • "Channel 13"
  • "I Saw the Penguins at Mystic Aquarium!," row of penguins scuttling across rim
  • "Whatever you do don't make me laugh so hard coffee comes out my nose" written in silly script

You conclude:
Mom and Dad both have graduate degrees, Mom has huge sweatpants collection and likes to hang out, kids do soft drugs. In lull in conversation, you can confidently bring up recent death of Ike Turner.

You see:

  • "Michelle's Bat Mitzvah, June 9, 1991," pair of roller skates over a ribbon
  • "Smithville Community Gardens," cartoon of green thumb
  • "Universal Studios," personalized SHARON

You conclude:
Mom and/or Dad is a great cook, kids are cool. In lull in conversation, you can confidently inquire about family's recent rounds of Trivial Pursuit (do NOT, however, play with them: Sharon's a fierce competitor and will clean the floor with you).

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