These are crawfish. They, like most folk down here on the Gulf Coast, are social creatures, and in the ponds and rice paddies that they call home, they are happiest enjoying one another’s company, eating rice plants, and rolling around in the mud. These particular crawfish, though, are not particularly happy even though they’re surrounded by friends. That’s because they’re not in the mud, they have no rice plants to eat, and they’ve been boiled to death.
On the plus side, they’re spicy.
On the plus side, they’re spicy.
You’ll be happiest meeting crawfish—like this lil’ fell—with a bottle of ice-cold beer in your hand, the cheaper the better. (Except for the poison they call Coors Light.) Ideally, you’ll meet your crawfish on a plate smeared with the remains of French fries covered in roast beef, gravy, and melted American cheese, but not every encounter can be so auspicious. In the absence of this kind of plate, a tray, a table, or a sheet of newspaper will do. Look for crawfish whose tails are curled under. Tails that stick straight out mean that the crawfish died before being boiled. And that means that they didn’t come to the party looking to make friends, anyway.
After you’ve been introduced to your crawfish, it’s time to break him in two. Hold the head and the part of the tail closest to the body in your fingers, and give them a gentle twist while pulling on the tail. If you do this right, you’ll get all the meat out of the body, which should be covered in yellow tomally goodness. This is where I refrain from making any juvenile “Do you like head or tail?” jokes.
Leo is demonstrating what to do next. Squeeze the head hard with your fingers, crushing it to release the juices, and suck. Spicy, salty, tinglingly hot, and rich from the “mustard,” this can be the best part. Be careful not to blow a blood vessel, though, like Leo is about to. Then everyone will have to get all concerned and wait for the ambulance to arrive, and the rest of the crawfish will get cold. Don’t be rude: stay alive.
I don’t know who this woman is, but she’s demonstrating a far more graceful technique. Notice, though, that her hand is covered in juices. She does not lack enthusiasm.
Now, for the tail. One of the amazing things about crawfish is that they can be so different from one another, even if they come from the same family… er, batch. Sometimes the tails are mild, tasting mainly of the spicy boil. Sometimes they’re sweet and clean, like lobster. Sometimes they’re slightly earthy. To get to the tail, peel off the first two sections of shell to expose the meat. Then, pinching lightly at the bottom with your thumb, gently pull the meat straight out of the shell. If you do this right, you’ll hold the vein down with your thumb, and you’ll extract the tail and devein it at the same time. If it doesn’t work out that way and you’re anal, you can simply dig the vein out with your fingers. But that will slow you down as everyone else keeps mowing down more crawfish.
A real pro, like Punkin here, will take it one step further and just pull the tail out with her teeth. Punkin weighs a hundred pounds soaking wet wearing a hat full of rocks. But people will surprise you with their love of crawfish. So don’t be shy. Go and get friendly with them before they all get met.
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