From slavery to liberation, the story of the Exodus, as told every Passover seder, is a swashbuckling tale of a few individuals who became a family and, in turn, became a people. The Haggadah, the book from which we read during the seder, values questions as much as answers. But if you find yourself making any of the following 10 faux pas, “When do we eat?” could soon become “When do we leave?”
1. Don’t ask your host if you can chug the leftover glass of wine in the middle of the table. During the Passover seder, it’s customary to drink four cups of wine (or grape juice, if you’re under 21 or just a bit more inhibited). According to custom, we also pour a fifth cup, the “Cup of Elijah,” and reserve it in honor of the prophet who comes to visit every seder. Control your inner oenophile and refrain from sipping from Elijah’s glass. And whatever you do, don’t ask what time the prophet is coming down the chimney. (Helpful hint: He actually comes through the front door.) The good news is that kosher wine is no longer a Passover fad—all the cool kids are drinking it.
2. Don’t be a stranger…and don’t invite someone strange. The Haggadah notes, “Let all who are hungry, come and eat.” The welcoming of guests to the seder table is a central Passover tradition, originating from the biblical story of Abraham and Sarah, who opened their tent to strangers. Translation? It’s customary to invite a guest to the Passover seder, so keep your door open, but not so open that a stray Mel Gibson may wander in. Mel’s not exactly on this rabbi’s Mensch VIP list.
3. Stop continuously asking, “When are the latkes going to be served?” …Or for that matter, the blintzes, knishes, or even egg rolls. Perhaps the question most often uttered at a seder is, “When do we eat?” Seders can go on for hours, but if you stick it out, you’ll enjoy a festive meal that teaches us that true freedom lies not in fleeing from the world (or the seder table, if we get restless) but in enjoying its (culinary) riches. The humble fare on the seder plate may not merit a Michelin star, but each food is symbolic of the Exodus experience. The plate features a hard-boiled egg, a roasted shank bone, a spring vegetable such as parsley, horseradish, lettuce, and a special paste consisting of a mixture of fruit, wine, and nuts that’s known as charoset.
4. No seder status updates, please. You might be able to communicate in 140 characters or less, but at the seder table, we make Hebrew our second language. No texting, tweeting, Friending (or un-Friending), Liking, or, you guessed it, Poking is allowed. In order to return to the Egypt of old, if only for one evening, we must break from some of our modern habits. The core of the seder is retelling the story of the Exodus from Egypt, and Moses led the Jewish people to the Promised Land without using a GPS-enabled smartphone. (Never mind the fact it took him 40 years.…)
5. A reference to the “four children” is not a reference to the Kardashians.
The Haggadah speaks of “four children”: one who is wise, one who is wicked, one who is simple, and one who does not know how to stay married ask. Each of these children asks a question about the seder in his own way, and in each case, the questions must be answered differently, because the form of the question typifies the character and attitude of the inquirer. These four children can also be seen as archetypes, each having one characteristic that we all possess, such as the know-how to make $17 million off our weddings.
6. Refrain from asking to read the part of Charlton Heston. If you find yourself reading dialogue from a movie, you brought the wrong Haggadah. That said, among many families the mandatory rewatching of the classic 1956 Academy Award–winning film The Ten Commandments, starring (the very non-Jewish) Charlton Heston as Moses, is a time-honored Passover tradition. In fact, a great way to spice up the seder is with role-playing, with guests putting themselves in the shoes of our ancestors. So don’t be afraid to put on that pharaoh costume and walk like an Egyptian.
7. Don’t bring challah as a gift. Challah is kryptonite to a seder, as dietary law calls for the traditional corrugated cardboard known as matzoh on Passover. As the Jewish people escaped slavery so quickly, they had no time to wait for their bread to rise, so they grabbed what they could: the unleavened dough. According to Jewish mysticism, leavened products symbolize inflated ego and arrogance, while matzoh represents humility and suspension of the self. Now, matzoh has come a long way since its first appearance as the dietary staple of those fleeing Israelites. In an age where carbs are the enemy, matzoh has become the new bagel and can often be very tasty. Modern varieties include Israeli matzoh, whole wheat matzoh, spelt matzoh, organic matzoh, pizza matzoh, and yes, even the “everything” matzoh studded with poppy seeds, onion, garlic, and salt.
8. Don’t assume that a request to “lean to the left” has anything to do with politics. No, this isn’t about Occupy demonstrations. An important part of the seder that many people aren’t aware of is the “leaning.” The act of reclining evokes a person of leisure, one who has time to dine without worrying about getting up. Leaning at the seder symbolizes the fact that we were once slaves in Egypt and are now free, and so our posture should mirror our liberated status. However, if you’re still leaning by the fourth cup of wine, you might have to start thinking about the dry cleaner.
9. Your rabbi does not know the secret formula for Coca-Cola. Have you ever noticed the Coca-Cola bottles with yellow caps that seem to materialize with almost biblical precision every March and April? Well, it’s not a marketing shtick, but rather a “kosher for Passover” version of the popular beverage. Jews cannot consume leavened foods during Passover, and this includes foods containing fermented grain, such as the high-fructose corn syrup used to sweeten sodas. Enter the Coca-Cola Company, which created a real-sugar alternative to the iconic beverage. Pepsi and Sprite are also now available in kosher varieties, but have no fear if you’re not a soda fan; coconut water is also kosher (phew).
10. You can’t DVR Passover. I once heard the story told of a conversation between a college student and his rabbi. The student says, “I know tomorrow is the seder, but there’s also a college football game, and it’s going to be a great game. Rabbi, I’ve got to watch my team’s game on TV.” The rabbi responds, “That’s what DVRs are for.” The delighted student replies, “You mean I can TiVo the seder?”
Rabbi Simcha Weinstein is a best-selling author who recently was voted “New York’s Hippest Rabbi” by PBS Channel 13. He chairs the religious affairs committee at Pratt Institute and recently published his latest book, Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st Century.