I often find weird food-related press releases in my email
inbox. As a result, whenever I see formerly meaningful words like
"healthy," "nutritious," and "organic," a red
flag goes up. Here are examples of the recent cull: A press release for Contrex
Natural Mineral Water gleefully announced National Dairy Alternative Month,
demanding that we slurp its calcium-laced bottled water instead. Forget for a
moment there's no evidence offered that your body can actually absorb calcium
in this blatantly chemical form, or stated reason why dairy products actually
need to be avoided. Another release touted a liquid product called Hemp Bliss, hinting that cow's milk, soy milk, and rice milk are
unhealthy. It then proclaimed (in a rather breathless sentence), "This
hemp innovation is creating a buzz because this nutritious beverage is the most
user-friendly way for consumers to try and enjoy this ancient superfood."
Please, I'd rather smoke it.
Trading on the current fear of peanuts among parents of
school-age children, another pitch offered a substitute made with
hypoallergenic "organic wild Amazonian jungle peanuts." In the course
of many paragraphs featuring a host of unsubstantiated health claims, the
document noted that the product is also good for "nourishing the
skin." Really? My skin wasn't even hungry. But an emergency correction
received several days later made things even worse: "A press release was
sent out to you earlier this week that mistakenly mentioned that the new
Organic Wild Amazonian Jungle Peanuts are 'allergen-free.'. . . This product is
packaged in a facility that also handles peanuts and other nuts and there is a
warning to alert people with nut allergies on the packaging of this
product." Oops! I'm already dead. Not happy with your wine? There's a product
called the Catania Wine Enhancer that swears it can neutralize contaminants
that might interfere with your enjoyment of the beverage. In the midst of a
prose swamp was this amazing sentence: "Wine Enhancer combines specific
metals, real semi-precious gems, minerals and crystals known for their specific
vibrational frequencies in a proprietary design that creates a highly positive
softening of the wine and boost in flavor." What hogwash! Shame on
Wine Spectator and the
Boston Herald for appearing to approve of this ridiculous
product. What happened to the protections Americans used to enjoy against false
advertising? And how dumb do these flaks think we are?
